I often wonder if its appropriate for me to still expect the same things from M that I would a man. To me she is my man, and I treat her as such. I am a girl to my heart. Hair, nails, clothes, shoes, shopping, caterer, nurturer, provider, supporter, the whole nine and although I have always been independent, always worked fifty million jobs to take care of me. However I do enjoy the civil liberties of being a lady......
I like to be courted.....I want to be courted .... I need to be courted! I feel that for all I require I certainly try to give that and more, so I definitely don't do the one sided drama.
M does her best to take care of home, but there are issues that arise. So I am wondering is it fair to play the "I'm a girl role", after all she is too. I fear that its too much for her to handle or too much for me to ask. This is my thought process, although my appetite for women, specifically her, has expanded it doesn't change how I think I should be treated. This of course is based on what we are taught as little girls, you know the whole "a man should be a man." The notion that we are supposed to grow up, be educated, snag a man, have his babies, and he is supposed to be our provider. I have to admit however that I have never had this stability or luxury of being taken care of, all my previous relationships came with drama and I took care of everyone else. She was different, she came in full speed ahead, she enjoys her "role" and said that was what she wanted too, so I thought finally it was my time.
I want the fairy tale picture minus the man, all I want is her but it doesn't seem to be working. Its just not clicking, we are just not clicking at this point.
So how is that supposed to work with two women, even if you have "roles" that you play in your relationship, how far should they actually go. I know its different for everyone but whats a good way to find that balance without losing yourself and your partner in the process.
Wednesday, January 6, 2010
Saturday, January 2, 2010
The Reality of the Matter.....
So I have been looking online all day at all the post I missed, and different ways to change the layout of my post ( I am still working on it). But I googled lesbian couples to see what I would find, looking for pics and examples of positive true love, something that would be nice and suitable as a representation of me. The layout sites are blocked from my job so I could only look at online articles instead of the art I was looking for. The first thing I found however, was this link .........lesbianlife.about.com/.../famouslesbians/...........and the only representation of color was Sheryl Swoops and her partner, the other 14 couples that were represented were all Caucasian women, seemingly happy out of the closet Caucasian women.
Is it really that simple. Although About.com I have learned is a great resource I couldn't find any site to give me any out and open African American lesbians besides Sheryl and Wanda Sikes for this decade. There are some great articles referencing the pioneers of Lesbian community from back in the day, but come on now there has got to be something missing, there has got to be African American lesbians open to pushing forward and knocking down the walls of oppression, there has got to be more women since the 1920's, 30's, 50's, 60's, and 70's. There is whole generations of "representation" missing.
There has to be some representation of color other than Bessie Smith, Billie Holiday, Barbara Jordan, and so on.I know we are out there so where did our public figures go, why is it only one or two at a time, especially knowing how large our community is. Are black women just as in the closet as the "down low brothers". No, of course not it goes so much deeper than that, it goes back to our community our foundation. When you google famous gay and lesbian couples the number of Caucasian far exceeds the number of open African Americans.
Why? Do we need famous "out" public figures? Will it help our cause, will it solve our plight? Does having positive, seemingly happy representation of black men and women of color in the LGBT community matter? Do we need role models?
As a go along my journey, I think I am making my own way, on my own beat. Learning lessons and making the grade, but part of me doing this is researching all that I can find, and turning over new pages and chapters on a regular basis. I won't even try to pretend to say that I have found the answers to all my questions or that my investigative searches are anywhere close to being over, for me its a learning process, so with that being said...
I would love to see more public figures, more openly LGBT African Americans. Do I think that it would solve the world no, not by a long shot. Will one standing in the Gap open amazing doors, it just might!!! I like to think it would open dialogue, acceptance, and tolerance among our communities. African Americans like other groups have a fear of the unknown, that fear tends to gradually fade when there is a recognizable face of someone they love, know, or admire. The issue has the power to turn from just an ISSUE to the FACE of compassion and growth.
Wishful thinking maybe.... tell me what you think?
Is it really that simple. Although About.com I have learned is a great resource I couldn't find any site to give me any out and open African American lesbians besides Sheryl and Wanda Sikes for this decade. There are some great articles referencing the pioneers of Lesbian community from back in the day, but come on now there has got to be something missing, there has got to be African American lesbians open to pushing forward and knocking down the walls of oppression, there has got to be more women since the 1920's, 30's, 50's, 60's, and 70's. There is whole generations of "representation" missing.
There has to be some representation of color other than Bessie Smith, Billie Holiday, Barbara Jordan, and so on.I know we are out there so where did our public figures go, why is it only one or two at a time, especially knowing how large our community is. Are black women just as in the closet as the "down low brothers". No, of course not it goes so much deeper than that, it goes back to our community our foundation. When you google famous gay and lesbian couples the number of Caucasian far exceeds the number of open African Americans.
Why? Do we need famous "out" public figures? Will it help our cause, will it solve our plight? Does having positive, seemingly happy representation of black men and women of color in the LGBT community matter? Do we need role models?
As a go along my journey, I think I am making my own way, on my own beat. Learning lessons and making the grade, but part of me doing this is researching all that I can find, and turning over new pages and chapters on a regular basis. I won't even try to pretend to say that I have found the answers to all my questions or that my investigative searches are anywhere close to being over, for me its a learning process, so with that being said...
I would love to see more public figures, more openly LGBT African Americans. Do I think that it would solve the world no, not by a long shot. Will one standing in the Gap open amazing doors, it just might!!! I like to think it would open dialogue, acceptance, and tolerance among our communities. African Americans like other groups have a fear of the unknown, that fear tends to gradually fade when there is a recognizable face of someone they love, know, or admire. The issue has the power to turn from just an ISSUE to the FACE of compassion and growth.
Wishful thinking maybe.... tell me what you think?
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)