Will Same Sex Marriage Destroy The Institution of Marriage?

Some of you may have saw this or posted this on your FB wall yesterday, it seemed to spark some pretty interesting conversation, I wanted to spark some more ....Here was the post

"So let me get this straight... Larry King is on his 8th divorce, Elizabeth Taylor is possibly getting married for a 9th time, Britney Spears had a 55 hour marriage, Jesse James and Tiger Woods, while married, were having sex with everyone; and yet the idea of same-sex marriage is still going to destroy the institution ...of marriage? Really? Proud to support equal rights for ALL."



MY RESPONSE

Someone on my Page disagreed that it was a civil rights issue. Said that Martin Luther king would turn over in his grave if he heard us comparing to Civil Rights. Well I like to beg to differ. Who in their right mind would think that the Civil rights Movement of the 1960's would be the last and only movement. The mere definition of civil rights is self explanatory: "The definition of Civil and political rights are a class of rights and freedoms that protect individuals from unwarranted action by government and private organizations and individuals and ensure one's ability to participate in the civil and political life of the state without discrimination or repression."

This is exactly what MLK fought for, equality. The right for me, you, and everyone in between to have the freedom to be who they are. LGBT rights is to me a civil rights issue. Anytime MY rights are being violated it is a civil rights issue. As a bisexual woman, I should have the same rights to marriage, life, and happiness as a heterosexual woman. The fact that other peoples hypocrisy can still in some fashion dictate my life enrages me. No matter who I decide/end up (God hasn't shown me that chapter yet), I have chosen to be an advocate. Its going to take a nation to make the change. I am in it for the Long HAUL!!!! Let's get it!!!!!

My Rant.... Character is Important!!!

Its amazing how small Dallas can be sometimes, and the gay community even smaller! I never would have thought the last year would have played out the way it has, but everything happens for a reason. I know that this is just a set up for my blessing. I am proud of myself for trusting God this time thus far but trust me I am a work in progress. Everyday I have a moment where I want to wreck shop but I know thats not for me. I know God's Favor is on my life, and as much as it hurts he has answered my prayers this far, so I know he's definitely got the rest.

I will say this, I am not perfect, never tried to say or pretend that I was. But I take my life, friends, and family seriously. And the people that know me, know that I would do anything for you. I don't make idle threats, there is no need for me to step outside my character unless you cross me.

I handle my issues directly with the culprit, I take care of myself and I do not make up lies to make myself seem like something I am not. I don't have to turn red and cry big crocodile tears to make it seem like my words are authentic. I am me all day long, honest, true and faithful.

I will give my shirt off my back, work like a dog to take care of my family. I have a genuine concern for people, and a heart to change the world. So please by all means keep attacking my character, the more and more you talk the deeper the whole you are digging for yourself.

Its amazing that people that don't even know me that well can read between your bull! When I was a child I thought as a child and when I became an adult I laid down my childish ways. Honey we have all made some questionable choices but the difference is I have grown and learned from mine, as we all should. I have made it a point to live my life where my character speaks for itself.

Now I will say this in my hold age, I am allergic to bullshit. Those who tried to feed me bullshit will say that I am stuck up, moody, bitchy, oh yeah and fake. Annnnnnnnnnnnnnd they are so right! I will give each person the benefit of the doubt, but the moment I see that you are all games, you lie, steal, cheat to get what you want. I will shut down on you boo, cause my life is too precious to waste on people that want to play games with their life.


What determines your character is not life, but how you respond to lifes obstacles. Whats in your character.

I want to Set Her Ass on Fire!

Ok so its been a while, I know. Work, work, and work as usual. Ok and maybe just pure laziness and emotional, but charge it to the head. But Lord I need y'all to pray for me.

Ok in July I received an email from my ex, saying how much she missed me and wanted to be with me again. Now mind you in April we split up because I found out she was cheating, still didn't get the full story, of how and when everything happened. But long story short, we started to talk again. She had copied her best friend on the email that she forwarded me, so that I would know that she was serious.

Let me explain, her best friend is completely her opposite, she is truly a kind person, humble and sweet. Not a vindictive bone her body, she tries to see everything from both sides like would not harm a fly. One of the few people outside my family that I would trust with my life. We were not friends before, but we met thru M. But she is truly a genuine person. M knew I would trust her and call her first and get her opinion on the load of crap her BFF was trying to sell me.

Well thats exactly what I did, I called we talked, she explained to me how M, had been talking to her for months now about contacting me. And that she wanted me back....well immediately after we start talking I notice the same pattern, like you can't even admit that you cheated, we still have the same trust issues, always acting like her phone is dead, texting acting like you not talking to anybody. Now I love her but I am not boo boo blind this time, after what just happened in April, my spirit just won't rest on the things that she is telling me. My gut is saying Hell no, not this time, but my heart is saying BUT SHE CHOSE ME, like surely she can't be playing the same games after all this.

To top it off she says that she wants to take things slow, like she wants to be with me but not right now. She gives the old I want to be better for you speech, like who does that. Who cheats, lies on you to their new so called "friends", and then comes back 3 months later uses their BFF, to get to you. Essentially lies to her as well, makes it seem like I am the only person that she has wanted and needed. Then gets me to believe her and I say ok lets start over and the minute I say that its ok cool we back to the same old program and this time lets make it worse by saying "Oh baby I am trying to work on me so I can't commit right now. "

Translation we can kick it, I still what you to be the same person you are, we can fuck, spend time together but I am gonna still do me on the side. Who the hell told this girl after 4 years of my life I was going to let her turn me into a sideline hoe! No ma'am. So I everything in me told me she was lying, I blocked her from everything and told her I could not talk to her anymore. She continued to send messages thru her BFF and I finally told her last Saturday to just tell her to stop, it wasn't going to work. I knew something was not right and until she could prove otherwise we had nothing to talk about.

But me being the soft hearted person that I am, I was heart broken. I told God if I am wrong about the situation show me, I want to know I am tired of being in limbo. Well the next day was the Pride parade here in Dallas, I had no clue she would be there. As my friends and I walked to find a place to stand who do I walk up on, its her, its funny cause her trifling friend saw me first. And got up and went the other direction. When she saw me she froze, now I spoke but something in me said find out Knisha, verify who she is with. When I walked over she tried to play it cool, the girl looked at me as I passed by her, at that moment I had no clue who she was.

We walked off to the side, she told me she had got my message about not contacting me anymore. I leaned into her to see what she would do, she pulled back, I GOT MY ANSWER. I said who is she, she tried to deny it,tried to act like she wasn't there with anybody and that she did not know the girls name. Around that time the girl has basically said she has had enough of the interaction, and walks up and introduces herself, as to say now what. Then walks off, it was the person that she had cheated on me with the first time, she had never quit talking to her.

Y'all it took everything in me to walk off, and not act a fool. To this day the girl has no clue, and really just thinks I am the crazy ex. And to top it off her BFF is caught in the middle, she doesn't know who to believe of course M is feeding a version of the truth that is so far off the beaten path its ridiculous, so now she doesn't know which one of us is crazy. I WANT TO SET M ASS ON FIRE! If you cheat and make a mistake one time, that's one thing but for you to purposely double back, and lie,cheat and steal and make me look like a FOOL all over again. I am telling you I WANT T SET HER ASS ON FIRE! DRAMA, DRAMA, DRAMA!

But I know I don't have to, cause KARMA is not a nice GIRL! God knows who I am and what I am not! And all I can say is God help her, it was one thing for you to put your hands on my life once, but you knew what you were doing the second time for sure, and you have the audacity to think your life is still gone be the same.

I thank GOD for wisdom y'all! I truly do, now this just happened 2 weekends ago so I have not been fully delivered yet and I have been extremely emotional. But I know that it has to be just a setup for the person that is truly meant for me!

Trusting and believing GOD so I don't go to jail, LOL... all I can do is smile (well try to anyway)about it cause I know the outcome will surly be in my favor.

Out and Proud

I can't talk, cause its taken me 4 years to get comfortable in my own skin, and I am still working on me, but I have to ask.

Did anyone see the homepage of Yahoo a couple of days ago? When I got ready to log in to check my email one of the flashing topics was OUT and PROUD CELEBS. I had to check out the scoop, but there was no surprise, 21 celebs and the only African American was Wanda Sykes. Now I know darn well they did not poll everyone or even begin to dig, I guess they only did the ones they felt we cared about, or the TOP celebs. Ummm, anyooo.....

Ok maybe I am reading to much into this but I looked at the ratio and what I feel was the symbolism of it. 1/21...like really, now we have people that have been suspected and some we out and out "know" but they will not confirm, in our African American Community but how many shout it from a roof top. Do you remember when you came out to your family and friends (and for those of us working on it) and some of them automatically said its cool, but don't make it public, everyone is not going to be understanding or love you like I do. Like they seriously just put you in a box right then and there and basically made you feel like you still had to hide who you are.

Ok maybe that just happened to me, cause mama straight said ok but don't flaunt it! SMH
And til this day, I still hear that playing in my head, or the fact that my family still refers to it has my "situation". Do you think celebs have those same issues, like do you think their families are behind the scenes, saying "you bet not embarrass me", or " you know if you say something, they will take all this away from you". Of Course they do, no one is perfect and family is family. However it seems like Caucasian people, don't care.... now I will not cross that boundary and stereotype everyone, because I know people from all walks of life, and drama has no respect of person or family.

But on the other hand, for white people it seems one or two things happen, they either say F it, I will go on any way, and say "I will do me and you will have to love me", and they become this wonderful outspoken gay activist and humanitarian. Or their family embraces them and they become this wonderful outspoken gay activist and humanitarian. This is a huge generalization but if I apply the same 1/21 scenario that Yahoo has that's what I come up with.

I am just saying, as African Americans, again may be I am reaching here, is it our community, our immediate families, our support system that put us in a box. Does this box trickle over into our every day lives, does it become an infection that we can't get rid of. Can it cause us to second guess our every move. Can it cause gay, bisexual, or lesbian Celebs to hide who they are, because as a part of their extended families, their community, some of "us" would shut them out without so much of a second thought. Just a thought, how much of a domino effect is it?!

P.S. I have to say, I love my family and they have a truly came a long way! Had to make that PSA.

MIA-Always Something

So I have been completely MIA the last couple of months. The last time I posted I was trying to talk out my relationship, really trying to do it for myself to see if there was somthing I could do to fix it, something I was missing. Well needless to say that ship has sailed. I did not realize how toxic we had become, and few weeks after my post, I found out that she had left the relationship months before. talking about ripping a heart out. Anyway needless to say I have not been myself.

When I started this blog, I wanted to be community activist woman, I haven't got it together yet! I have been focusing so much on the past, and what I thought was my future that I have gotten nothing accomplished.

So tonight starts fresh, hopefully, LOL. Got to get out this funk and quit spinning my wheels!

I see I have missed so much, hello blog world, I have missed you so!

There Should be Classes Damn It!

After reading Chanel's post over at The Raimbow Room this morning I feel like there should be classes damn it!!! Well I have always felt that a lot of us could benefit from some type of guidance courses, or self help group or DVD or something! I don't know of any out there so I guess the blogs will have to do for now.....

I think coming into your own, learning who you are, "labeling" yourself, is a difficult thing when you factor in all the bull shit you may or may not encounter from the outside world, your family, and anyone who thinks they have the right to comment on your "lifestyle or personal choices". So when you add to the drama knowing how to behave and treat your friends, potential lovers, and yourself it can become system overload.

If I am real with myself I don't have what it takes or haven't quite figured out what it takes to make a Girl on Girl relationship work. Hell I had a hard enough time trying to figure out dating when I was exclusively dating men, now I throw women in the mix and I think I just expect them to know more, but its not quite that simple. I'm a fem, and I feel like I know my role, and I don't think that it has changed much with the gender, and maybe there in lies my problem. In my personal background, I had a father that was there but not there, definitely did not know how to talk to us and tell us what to expect from men or our significant others. He was too busy doing his own foolishness, and what I saw from him definitely did not make me want to say "oooooh I want a stud or man just like you daddy". And my mom, she tried but there was some valuable lessons that were missed, she was so busy ensuring that we just didn't give it up, that I honestly missed out on the lessons of just how to be lady, be courted, be me, play my position. I am sure I am not the only one that just wasn't taught or groomed on how to be.

There are some of us be it stud, fem, woman, or man that just have good manners, and a tender heart, who adapt and try to learn lifes lessons and actually take the lessons as a stepping stone in the right direction. But some its like the blind leading the blind. I can't teach a stud how to be a stud, no more than I could teach a man how to be a man, and no more than they could tell them how to be me. Oh but a lil guidance could go a long way. I know its asking for too much, but if we could find a way maybe the dating scene in LGBT community would not be such a joke. As it is right now either your in an instant marriage or caught up playing the field whether you like it or not.

Just a thought, but lets just say from a stud stand point, if you were never taught how to treat a woman, like you don't have a good representation of a man in your life to show you the ropes or if you are not willing to learn, how can you know your role. If your mom, sister, aunts, grandma etc never talked to you or showed you how to be a lady, how do you know what to expect, what to look for from your female suiters. From a fem stand point, how do I know what to look for in my friend, lover, counter part if I was never shown or taught what to expect or what to do.

Maybe if I had this, if I knew more, if I was exposed to the likes of being a "gentleman" or charming on a regular basis then maybe I would not get all warm and fuzzy inside at the first sign of someone who just has good manners. I missed the lessons on just being friends too, so I can honestly say I have crossed a line or two.... and could have used the 411.

I am just saying....

Confusing as Hell....

M and I have been having problems for quite sometime. We went from a half cocked way of communicating to nothing. Just missing every mark, screwing up at every turn. We both played our roles, so no one person is to blame.

However when she is going thru something Ms. M shuts down completely, and on top of our non communicating, non functioning relationship, she keeps loosing people in her family. This is making her retreat even more. Her Aunt was the latest to pass about a month ago, and is now going thru an all too familiar battle again, with her step-dad, he is in the advance stages of Cancer. This is the same culprit that has taken out 4 of the 7 people that have passed in the 2 1/2 years.

I feel lost, I can't help her, I can't hold her, I can't make the pain go away. There is no reassuring her that it will get better, and that this too shall past. I feel selfish at the same time, I am being selfish at the same time. All I want to do is be there, but she deals with things from within her own shell. She does not function well in a crisis. All I can do, all she will let me do is be there when she calls, or be there on her terms. Understandably she is spending alot of time with her mom and step-father to make sure everything is ok.

I don't know where I fit in, where to start, or what to do. I have hit difficulty at every approach. I can't possibly ask her to focus on me, or this teetering relationship while things escalate at home. I don't want her to, ok well not completely, I just can't take the complete shut down.

But I have been shut out in some many different ways, and I have just never had anyone in my life that handles things like this. I have recently come to realize just how needy, overbearing, and in your face I can be when I feel like I am loosing everything.

Giving it to God, cause he is definitely the only one who can fix this, show us or give peace in the mist of this storm.

Praise Report

Before I finish working thru the madness, I need to stop and thank God for blessing me to get my car, last Tuesday and on My b-day of all days.

The day was not perfect but he kept in the mist of it all! I have a new found respect for public transportation, and the two hours that it takes to get from point A to point B!

Thank you Jesus!

Disfunctional #1

Ok so I think maybe if I talk about the course of the relationship it will help me work some things out. Here goes nothing........


We started almost 4 years ago (4yrs in April). We were introduced thru a mutual acquaintance. She is my one and only lesbian encounter, but I knew immediately that our interaction would change my life forever. Corny, I know but honestly, I dove in head first and never even considered for a moment anything but being with her. To my family it was the shocker of a life time, I was 25, a PK who was raised in the church ALL my life, worked with kids, and seemed to be headed towards a "normal" life with a husband and kids in tow, .... only there was no man anywhere in sight.

Don't get me wrong if you count 2 of the faithful 3 that had circled in and out of my life since I lost my virginity, I was well on the way to being a prominent #2. Although I did not have a relationship that would stick, I had them constantly telling me how much they needed me in their lives while they held down their home life with their #1s. Straight foolishness! So when I met M, and the connection was there, I was all too happy to see where it would lead.

Where it led first was passion, intimacy, romance, and the most unbelievable sexual experiences ever.... I was hooked. We started dating, and by dating I mean spending every waking moment and one anothers place. We enjoyed each other's company, and I can't say that we did an awfully lot back then other than stay locked up in the house, and that was enough!

We had our first real tisk over a key to her place. I have always moved too fast, and can honestly say never really dated or knew how to date so I did/do everything completely half assed backwards. So I knew that I liked this girl, 24 days after we first met, we made it official, and I think a week or maybe two after that I invited her over for dinner and gave her a key to my place. Yeah I was wasting no time, well when she didn't return the same gesture in the upcoming days all HELL broke loose.

After the key exchange I spent the next week or so at her house, and we would get up and get dressed at the same time even though I did not have to be at work until later. I grew increasingly aware that she was avoiding the key issue. She was not ready for me to have a key to her place, and I wanted to know why. It may have had something to do with knowing each other less than 60 days, but I was not trying to hear that.

I had talked it over with friends and was convinced she was tripping, so when I approached her about it we got into it. She thought maybe we needed some space for a few days, so I went home. Angry, mad, and upset I went home, absolutely convinced she felt things were moving too fast, and she sent me home so she could spend time with her ex (Awwwh the ex, what a joy, got to tell you more about that in the next one).

I went home for 2 days, had a date of my own, and fussed with her about how I felt she was not ready for a real relationship... the irony. Straight foolishness!

Smh at my damn self! *****sigh********

Going Thru Every Test In The Book

You know when I started this blog I wanted to do so much, or so I told myself. I didn't necessarily want to talk about me, but about LGBT issues and how they effect me and my community. It has not really worked out that way.

#1 I have been completely inconsistent, and #2 I have been going thru so much in my personal life, that's all I really have wanted to talk about but for some reason I have just been hesitant to, scared to even. Weird huh, alot that is going on has to do with M and until 5 mins ago I had her on the email list to receive the post when I do a new one. So I guess I have been afraid to rock the boat even more, and add extra fuel to the fire.

But this morning, .... this morning if I do not say something, if I do not begin to let part of this out I am gonna scream!

I feel like my life is falling apart, and although I have been raised in church, FAITH, ... faith is definitely a struggle. I have been trying to have faith and believe that this is just another season that is passing thru my life for a reason, but it is so hard for me to hold onto that notion right now.

No money, no car (it died almost 2 months ago), and a failing relationship.... has made for a very uneasy, unhappy, semi-depressed Lady K. This is so not my character, trying to pray and praise my way thru everyday but I slip. I slip daily, start off thanking God but then end up saying why God by the end of the day. I am working on me.

SMH....*sigh*

I'm a Girlie Girl....I'm I still Allowed to play the "Role"

I often wonder if its appropriate for me to still expect the same things from M that I would a man. To me she is my man, and I treat her as such. I am a girl to my heart. Hair, nails, clothes, shoes, shopping, caterer, nurturer, provider, supporter, the whole nine and although I have always been independent, always worked fifty million jobs to take care of me. However I do enjoy the civil liberties of being a lady......



I like to be courted.....I want to be courted .... I need to be courted! I feel that for all I require I certainly try to give that and more, so I definitely don't do the one sided drama.


M does her best to take care of home, but there are issues that arise. So I am wondering is it fair to play the "I'm a girl role", after all she is too. I fear that its too much for her to handle or too much for me to ask. This is my thought process, although my appetite for women, specifically her, has expanded it doesn't change how I think I should be treated. This of course is based on what we are taught as little girls, you know the whole "a man should be a man." The notion that we are supposed to grow up, be educated, snag a man, have his babies, and he is supposed to be our provider. I have to admit however that I have never had this stability or luxury of being taken care of, all my previous relationships came with drama and I took care of everyone else. She was different, she came in full speed ahead, she enjoys her "role" and said that was what she wanted too, so I thought finally it was my time.

I want the fairy tale picture minus the man, all I want is her but it doesn't seem to be working. Its just not clicking, we are just not clicking at this point.


So how is that supposed to work with two women, even if you have "roles" that you play in your relationship, how far should they actually go. I know its different for everyone but whats a good way to find that balance without losing yourself and your partner in the process.

The Reality of the Matter.....

So I have been looking online all day at all the post I missed, and different ways to change the layout of my post ( I am still working on it). But I googled lesbian couples to see what I would find, looking for pics and examples of positive true love, something that would be nice and suitable as a representation of me. The layout sites are blocked from my job so I could only look at online articles instead of the art I was looking for. The first thing I found however, was this link .........lesbianlife.about.com/.../famouslesbians/...........and the only representation of color was Sheryl Swoops and her partner, the other 14 couples that were represented were all Caucasian women, seemingly happy out of the closet Caucasian women.

Is it really that simple. Although About.com I have learned is a great resource I couldn't find any site to give me any out and open African American lesbians besides Sheryl and Wanda Sikes for this decade. There are some great articles referencing the pioneers of Lesbian community from back in the day, but come on now there has got to be something missing, there has got to be African American lesbians open to pushing forward and knocking down the walls of oppression, there has got to be more women since the 1920's, 30's, 50's, 60's, and 70's. There is whole generations of "representation" missing.

There has to be some representation of color other than Bessie Smith, Billie Holiday, Barbara Jordan, and so on.I know we are out there so where did our public figures go, why is it only one or two at a time, especially knowing how large our community is. Are black women just as in the closet as the "down low brothers". No, of course not it goes so much deeper than that, it goes back to our community our foundation. When you google famous gay and lesbian couples the number of Caucasian far exceeds the number of open African Americans.

Why? Do we need famous "out" public figures? Will it help our cause, will it solve our plight? Does having positive, seemingly happy representation of black men and women of color in the LGBT community matter? Do we need role models?

As a go along my journey, I think I am making my own way, on my own beat. Learning lessons and making the grade, but part of me doing this is researching all that I can find, and turning over new pages and chapters on a regular basis. I won't even try to pretend to say that I have found the answers to all my questions or that my investigative searches are anywhere close to being over, for me its a learning process, so with that being said...

I would love to see more public figures, more openly LGBT African Americans. Do I think that it would solve the world no, not by a long shot. Will one standing in the Gap open amazing doors, it just might!!! I like to think it would open dialogue, acceptance, and tolerance among our communities. African Americans like other groups have a fear of the unknown, that fear tends to gradually fade when there is a recognizable face of someone they love, know, or admire. The issue has the power to turn from just an ISSUE to the FACE of compassion and growth.

Wishful thinking maybe.... tell me what you think?