M and I have been having problems for quite sometime. We went from a half cocked way of communicating to nothing. Just missing every mark, screwing up at every turn. We both played our roles, so no one person is to blame.
However when she is going thru something Ms. M shuts down completely, and on top of our non communicating, non functioning relationship, she keeps loosing people in her family. This is making her retreat even more. Her Aunt was the latest to pass about a month ago, and is now going thru an all too familiar battle again, with her step-dad, he is in the advance stages of Cancer. This is the same culprit that has taken out 4 of the 7 people that have passed in the 2 1/2 years.
I feel lost, I can't help her, I can't hold her, I can't make the pain go away. There is no reassuring her that it will get better, and that this too shall past. I feel selfish at the same time, I am being selfish at the same time. All I want to do is be there, but she deals with things from within her own shell. She does not function well in a crisis. All I can do, all she will let me do is be there when she calls, or be there on her terms. Understandably she is spending alot of time with her mom and step-father to make sure everything is ok.
I don't know where I fit in, where to start, or what to do. I have hit difficulty at every approach. I can't possibly ask her to focus on me, or this teetering relationship while things escalate at home. I don't want her to, ok well not completely, I just can't take the complete shut down.
But I have been shut out in some many different ways, and I have just never had anyone in my life that handles things like this. I have recently come to realize just how needy, overbearing, and in your face I can be when I feel like I am loosing everything.
Giving it to God, cause he is definitely the only one who can fix this, show us or give peace in the mist of this storm.
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