Disfunctional #1

Ok so I think maybe if I talk about the course of the relationship it will help me work some things out. Here goes nothing........


We started almost 4 years ago (4yrs in April). We were introduced thru a mutual acquaintance. She is my one and only lesbian encounter, but I knew immediately that our interaction would change my life forever. Corny, I know but honestly, I dove in head first and never even considered for a moment anything but being with her. To my family it was the shocker of a life time, I was 25, a PK who was raised in the church ALL my life, worked with kids, and seemed to be headed towards a "normal" life with a husband and kids in tow, .... only there was no man anywhere in sight.

Don't get me wrong if you count 2 of the faithful 3 that had circled in and out of my life since I lost my virginity, I was well on the way to being a prominent #2. Although I did not have a relationship that would stick, I had them constantly telling me how much they needed me in their lives while they held down their home life with their #1s. Straight foolishness! So when I met M, and the connection was there, I was all too happy to see where it would lead.

Where it led first was passion, intimacy, romance, and the most unbelievable sexual experiences ever.... I was hooked. We started dating, and by dating I mean spending every waking moment and one anothers place. We enjoyed each other's company, and I can't say that we did an awfully lot back then other than stay locked up in the house, and that was enough!

We had our first real tisk over a key to her place. I have always moved too fast, and can honestly say never really dated or knew how to date so I did/do everything completely half assed backwards. So I knew that I liked this girl, 24 days after we first met, we made it official, and I think a week or maybe two after that I invited her over for dinner and gave her a key to my place. Yeah I was wasting no time, well when she didn't return the same gesture in the upcoming days all HELL broke loose.

After the key exchange I spent the next week or so at her house, and we would get up and get dressed at the same time even though I did not have to be at work until later. I grew increasingly aware that she was avoiding the key issue. She was not ready for me to have a key to her place, and I wanted to know why. It may have had something to do with knowing each other less than 60 days, but I was not trying to hear that.

I had talked it over with friends and was convinced she was tripping, so when I approached her about it we got into it. She thought maybe we needed some space for a few days, so I went home. Angry, mad, and upset I went home, absolutely convinced she felt things were moving too fast, and she sent me home so she could spend time with her ex (Awwwh the ex, what a joy, got to tell you more about that in the next one).

I went home for 2 days, had a date of my own, and fussed with her about how I felt she was not ready for a real relationship... the irony. Straight foolishness!

Smh at my damn self! *****sigh********