I often wonder if its appropriate for me to still expect the same things from M that I would a man. To me she is my man, and I treat her as such. I am a girl to my heart. Hair, nails, clothes, shoes, shopping, caterer, nurturer, provider, supporter, the whole nine and although I have always been independent, always worked fifty million jobs to take care of me. However I do enjoy the civil liberties of being a lady......
I like to be courted.....I want to be courted .... I need to be courted! I feel that for all I require I certainly try to give that and more, so I definitely don't do the one sided drama.
M does her best to take care of home, but there are issues that arise. So I am wondering is it fair to play the "I'm a girl role", after all she is too. I fear that its too much for her to handle or too much for me to ask. This is my thought process, although my appetite for women, specifically her, has expanded it doesn't change how I think I should be treated. This of course is based on what we are taught as little girls, you know the whole "a man should be a man." The notion that we are supposed to grow up, be educated, snag a man, have his babies, and he is supposed to be our provider. I have to admit however that I have never had this stability or luxury of being taken care of, all my previous relationships came with drama and I took care of everyone else. She was different, she came in full speed ahead, she enjoys her "role" and said that was what she wanted too, so I thought finally it was my time.
I want the fairy tale picture minus the man, all I want is her but it doesn't seem to be working. Its just not clicking, we are just not clicking at this point.
So how is that supposed to work with two women, even if you have "roles" that you play in your relationship, how far should they actually go. I know its different for everyone but whats a good way to find that balance without losing yourself and your partner in the process.
I've learned that in a relationship with 2 women, you MUST find balance when it comes the whole idea of roles. In my relationship my wife is much more femme than I am...I on the other hand am more aggressive, but I still have my girly/femme side. What works for us is her letting me be the aggressor in the relationship but at the same time she is able to sense when I need to have that girly attention...its kinda hard to explain. There is no formula that works for everyone... but what it boils down to knowing your partner and knowing what works for the two of u. Great post.
ReplyDelete~AquariusSoul~
This post really made me think. I have noticed that I am attracted to girls, mostly other femmes, that are more aggressive...that would be the aggressor in the relationship. I cannot explain it. There is just something very sexy about a woman that has this quality... a woman that takes the lead.
ReplyDeleteUnfortunately, I do not have a lot of experience with women, so I cannot offer any advice.
All I can say is communicate.
I think people take on a natural "role" when its right. After all opposites attract right.
ReplyDeleteOne of us automatically take on a more caring and dominating role.We also tend to be the oldest in our families. We know what to do with finances we keep after the other to stay motivated and have that take charge attitude. The other half might be more affectionate in the "let me cuddle with you on the couch" kind of sense, they shower you with compliments and think of things to do (no to buy) to make you happy and tends to need more attention. They also tend to me the youngest. Why according to Kevin Leman's book regarding birth order, why we are the way we are they say the best couples typically are the youngest and oldest in their families.
I think that you guys should naturally assume certain roles. At the same point every couple has to define how they want to be loved. Its important to sit down and differentiate how your partner wants to be loved. For example if your partner is one of those who always does things for you, takes out the trash and mows the lawn and you show your appreciation by making their favorite dinner. You may thing that was your way of showing it but they may have preferred an immeadiate pat on the back as opposed to the fave dinner. They needed that affirmation that they did a good job right then and there, by purely saying thank you for taking out the trash.
So maybe you and M need to talk about what you need and what she needs. Maybe you like the girlie stuff and she does too in which case you need to dig deeper for specifics. You might check out The 5 Love Languages there is a quiz in the book and online to help point out stuff that you like. Its important for the other to know because hey we're none mind readers.
@ Aquarius
ReplyDeleteThank you, we are working on finding that balance everyday.
@ SweetT
Thats ok! Atleast I got you thinking, lol!
@ Lupe,
Leave it to you investigator gadget (LOL) to give me a full analysis of the situation! Thanks! I need to check out that book!!!
Thank you ladies!