I nearly gave my mom a heart attack this weekend. I have been wanting to visit a Gay Church here in Dallas for the last couple of weeks. I had mentioned this to my sis, and I guess she dropped that bomb on my mother, who promptly woke me up out of my sleep on Sunday to ask me had I lost my mind.
Now let me start by saying, I am very close to my mother and sister we tell each other alot. Not everything but alot, and although they do not like my "lifestyle" as they put it, but they love me and they really try to accept me for me no matter what. With that being said, I grew up in a religious home, brought up in church ALL MY LIFE, and my mom and grandmother are both evangelists. I have never had the conversation about my life with my grandmother but I know she knows, my mom and I on the other hand have had alot of conversations about it, some not so nice. The first year of my "coming out" good Lord I didn't know if we were gonna make it thru. But we did, and I thank God for it every day (she even tells my girlfriend she loves her on a regular basis now, but I'll save that for another post).
So I should have known the convo about the church would come up sooner or later. Even though my mom knows about my life, I tend not to bring up anything to knowingly raise her blood pressure, and quite frankly I like when we are living in harmony. I never forget when my girlfriend and I first started dating and my mother said just don't flaunt it in my face. Like I was supposed to live in seclusion, well we are long past that now but that whole spill still replays in my head from time to time. So I steer clear of open conversations of marriage, children, and the mention of a predominantly Gay church.
I know church, and I am curious to see if this one will be any different, or should I say what the major differences will be. Having been raised in an African-American C.O.G.I.C. church and then transferring to a non-denominational teaching when I was in my teens church is important part of my life. I love trying new things and I am EXCITED about visiting the church. I'm wandering if I will like the service, the choir, the music, just the whole ambiance. It will be different to be in a setting where my girlfriend could openly embrace/touch in CHURCH, and not have someone trying to figure us out. More importantly will I have that warm fuzzy feeling after I leave service.
For my mom, all she can see is me drifting further away from her. She almost acted as if the church was a cult. She said everything was Gay, like it was secluded and completely off beat. She didn't finish her statement for fear that she would offend me, she ended it with saying that I would see for myself. I guess after 28 yrs of me being her child she knew I was going to go anyway. I am just a curious person when it comes to ceratin things, and in my current state I'm all about being comfortable and exploring my surroundings. So its worth giving it a try at least once. You know whats weird is when I was a younger, my mom was the person that everyone went to with their issues. Including all the kids in CHURCH that were struggling with their sexuality and doing things at the age of 14, 15,16, and 17 that I had not even began to think about. I loved her for this, and so did the rest of the teens, she was our youth director and I had the cool mom on the block. Heck I thought this would make it easier when I finally discovered who I was at 25, not even, like I said that first year was rough.....
But mom or not, I just don't get CHURCH folk treating the LGBT community like its the plague. I grew up in a black church and Gay people have been a part of our communities for a very long time. Running the choir, playing instruments, preaching and by standing. Yet as a whole African Americans still try to handle it like its a dirty little secret. Its amazing, like as long as we don't actually utter the words, act on them, or proclaim who we are it will go away. Pure ignorance!!! I love my mom to death, and although I don't believe that these are exact thoughts, (I do know she would rather not deal with it) I do believe we got some growing to do!!!
Lady K,
ReplyDeleteI wrote a bit of a post about my wanting to be apart of a church (it will be up in the morning). I've felt the need to find an accepting church for a while. But just because the church accepts me doesn't mean I'm gonna like the church so that could turn into a completely new problem.
Sigh.
I think parents have expectations for their children. They want them to grow up to be doctors, architects, follow in their footsteps . . . be straight. And then we grow up and we decide to be artists, stay at home parents . . . GAY. We disappoint on some level, they still love us but we didn't turn out to be who they envisioned us to be at birth. I know its a struggle but at least you can still have a relationship, I know a few gay men who unfortunately can't maintain a relationship with thier parents (fathers especially) because of who they are. Like you said you guys have some growing to do. Give mom props for the little bit she has accepted so far.
ReplyDeleteI know there is a church out there for you.
You are blessed to live in these times as opposed to those times, when hate crimes were more prevelant and people were less accepting.
I think interesting. All of us regardless of race or gender or economic status have dealt with some type of discrimination. We know how it feels yet we do it to others.
I applaud you Lady K.
@Monie,
ReplyDeleteI completely understand, finding a good church home can be a task sometimes. But I have rather enjoyed just visiting, not putting to much pressure on it and just enjoying the word.
@ Lupe,
ReplyDeleteThanks so much, I am grateful for the relationship we have every day. And I do recognzie it could have been completely different, I am actually still close to both of my parents which is a blessing in itself. I don't take that lightly.
Enjoyed reading this and can totally relate. I also spent the majority of my life in the COGIC and several of my family members are in ministry (evangelists, missionaries etc) I broke away for the COGIC many years back and my first move after accepting my sexuality was to visit a gay church...and I must say that it was an good experience on so many levels, however I knew that I couldnt make a gay church my church home...it simply didnt fit me. Through the years I have come to find out that having one particular church home was not necessary for me. My worship experience includes many different places and sometimes my wife and I venture back to gay church when we feel the need to do so.
ReplyDeletegirl, don't even get me started on "church" folk and their antics. i'd be writing for days. i didn't grow up cogic but i did grow up in a traditional country small town baptist church. so i know your struggle. finding a good church home is hard but when you find it, it'll be well worth the wait.
ReplyDelete@ Trisha,
ReplyDeleteThanks I think I am going to go check it out this weekend. I wanted to visit because they do some work in the community with gay teens and I am interested in volunteering. I miss being involved. But I am torn because I don't miss the church politics and I am rather enjoying just visiting and enjoying service.
@ Foxy,
Yes, yes, yes... we can be a hand full. I have had the best of all worlds really. I grew up COGIC but my mom pulled us out and changed ministries when I was 14 and went to non-denominational. And my better half grew up in a Baptist church that she still attends to this day, where every body knows your name type thing. We have been looking for a church home the last couple of yrs that fits us both, and that’s where the problem comes in. I think we will just keep visiting other churches from time to time, cause I don't think she will ever part with her roots.